A Very Slow Parade

June 30, 2022
M-J Kelley's drawing of a snail parade float with his friends on board.

We all have dreams.

And Snailer, a Flower-Shelled Snail, was no different. He dreamed of being a parade float.

His flower-shell was the perfect parade decoration! Top-notch, colourful, floating high in the air, gently bobbing along as he moved.

With naturally broad shoulders, Snailer was a stable base. Easy to climb and soft to sit on. His natural rhythm could keep time with a marching band’s complex syncopation. He was an expert at starting and stopping.

Snailer applied to parades regularly and was regularly declined. They all had a “minimum speed” clause in their contracts. Bummer. He could not get the speed up to the bare minimum, try as he might. Still, he persevered and continued with his applications.

That was until today. Today became difficult quickly.

Snailer worked at Canada Post. He loved his stamp licking job. Best job ever for a snail! But it was to be no more.

Tuddy, his bear friend, asked him how he was.

“They hired the Sticky Bugs,” replied Snailer concernedly.
“Oh no,” said Tuddy. He knew it was a move to self-adhesive stamps.
Snailer nodded, which caused his big flower to bob, emphasizing disappointment and worry.

With this concerning news, Tuddy went to Warpole, a big, snooted pup, and Yellow, a large-bellied Canary. In agreement, they knew they couldn’t stop “progress,” but they could throw a parade, the Knockwood Forest Parade, and Snailer would be the float!

And so it was. Word got out, and everyone came and waited at the sidelines! — Wonder, Worrywart, Old Edgar, Maggie, Grumbly and Stinger and many birds, bunnies, fish, and fireflies! Jack stopped searching for true love momentarily and watched as the Black Diamond Ducks flew in formation overhead. Lizardo lazily made his way through the crowd. Arnold, the Flying Pig, hid out in a tree above. Dogfly, Cannonball, and Addey came in from the water. Horseshoe the Lucky Turtle, and Sasquatch were on the front lines cheering! Duncan came with his egg. Everyone was there! Even the Peckuliars.

M-J Kelley's surreal painting of The Band. A group of musical flowers. Gouache on canvas board.

The Band struck up the music. Tuddy, Warpole, and Yellow were already sitting atop Snailer. And so began a very slow parade. But it was the best parade ever!

When night fell and the parade ended, all agreed it was a moment of triumph for Snailer. He beamed with a full heart! His friends had helped him achieve a dream.

He thought on that wonder for a great long while. Then an idea came to him. He wanted to help his friends as well. So he went to his employers at Canada Post and asked if he could create special postcard mailers. They said, “Sure! What will you call it?”

The Snailer Mailer

Stay tuned for The Snailer Mailer. A real, live, put in the mail, send-a-story postcard. With a stamp licked by Snailer.

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